Book Wilde

Helen and Troy’s Epic Road Quest by A. Lee Martinez was silly good fun. Helen, a minotaur with body issues, and Troy, an overachieving Asian American, find themselves forced into an epic quest by a banished hamburger god after a virgin sacrifice goes wrong. Like all of Martinez’s books, this was a zany adventure of unlikely proportions. Helen and Troy are not so typical teenagers just trying to deal with hormones, crushes, stereotypes and giant Cyclopes. As our two heroes hit the road, they find themselves guided and pursued by the shadowy National Questing Bureau and a horde of middle-aged orcs hell bent on keeping them from completing their mission, which could possibly destroy the world—or at least most of it.

This House is Haunted by John Boyne is a humorous love letter to Charles Dickens and the great Gothic horrors. When her father suddenly dies after attending a reading by Charles Dickens, Eliza impulsively answers an unusual ad for a governess. She plans on making the grand Westerley estate–along with its two orphaned children–her new home and family. But, the illusion cannot last, and the facade begins to crumble.Set in a neglected mansion, This House is Haunted has all the major elements of the classic Gothic horrors: aloof villagers, vanishing servants, creepy children, a haunted attic, a cantankerous groundskeeper, madness and murder. It’s populated with characters sporting Dickensian names and had plenty of orphans and tragic childhoods to spare. You don’t have to be a fan of the genre to spot elements reminiscent of Jane Eyre, Turn of the Screw and even a Hound of Baskervilles.John Boyne’s This House is Haunted was a restrained but humorous read until the over-the-top grand finish–where it became just silly and melodramatic. With all its humor and classic elements, I do wonder if this was meant to be a parody. If it was meant to be a parody, it was a little too serious. If it was meant to be a tragic ghost story, it was a little too silly. It was quick and enjoyable, so even with the uncertainty, it’s worth a read.

A story of friendship, mystery and madness, The Antiquarian is prefaced with a cryptic list of real people who were killed for doing mad things: Anne Askew quenched the thirst of her chicks with her own blood and they killed her for it: 1546.The story begins with our unreliable narrator, Gustavo, visiting his friend Daniel in an insane asylum. Daniel, committed for killing his fiancée, wants to explain what really happened that night--but it isn’t as simple as that, and Gustavo must unravel his friend’s veiled clues in order to finally discover the truth.The Antiquarian was an uncommon murder mystery, but still a murder mystery. The narrative is riddled with the awful and macabre: rape, obsession and books made of human flesh. Everyone is flawed or diseased—either bodily or mentally. And that’s what I took from this, we are all susceptible to being consumed by our passions; we are all a little bit mad*Caveat Emptor: There were several breathtaking sentences in this novel—and by breathtaking, I mean they were so long I lost my breath. The imagery was forceful. The prose was beautiful and sophisticated. The narrative was winding and Poe-like. As the story explores madness, passion and mystery, the style really worked in creating a haunting atmosphere. But, wow, some of the sentences were page long doozies. While never a slog, I didn’t take to this book easily. I had to put it down and come back to it several times before I hit on the right mood. This is not a book for everyone, but I’m glad I didn’t give up.

Guests on Earth by Lee Smith tells the story of Evalina, the child of a New Orleans exotic dancer. In 1936, left fatherless and orphaned, her mother’s married ex-boyfriend assumes her care. While in his home, the first sign of mental illness presents itself, and she is sent to Highland Hospital in Ashville NC—a progressive insane asylum for the wealthy who call the residents guests. At Highland, Evalina forms a makeshift family of colorfully tragic characters, finds love, herself and maybe even hope for a future.Music features heavily as we follow Evalina from her childhood in New Orleans into her early 20’s at the hospital. Real residents like Zelda Fitzgerald and Nina Simone make appearances; and having read other reviews of the book, I knew not to expect a Zelda heavy story. Since it spans so many years, some parts are breezed through with the use of postcards and newspaper clippings, which were a great way to prevent the story from becoming overwhelming.Many of the characters were repeat guests who came to view Highland as their home, Zelda and Evalina especially. At one point, a nurse and patient muse that the reason so many of the women return is that they just don’t fit in and society doesn’t know what to do with them. The splashes of local culture and color kept me aware that no matter how homelike Highland came to feel for the characters, it was still a mental hospital for the privileged. Though not really featured in-depth, there were discussions and use of ‘modern’ psychiatric treatments like insulin comas, electroshock therapy, and equine serums, and the disapproval of horrifying lobotomies and forced sterilizations were touched on.The novel ends with the famous fire that killed several of the residents trapped in a lock ward and conjecture as to who really started it. I’m not really sure what to make of Evalina’s ending, She returns to New Orleans where she’s built a life, but is still holding onto delusional hopes from the past. But, maybe that’s the point–Highland will always be her real home because she just doesn’t fit. In society, she’s only a guest.

The Reluctant Cannibals is a delicious tale dripping with gallows humor and British wit. It’s the zany story of Oxford intelligentsia who devote themselves to the gastronomical pursuit of sampling exotic and exquisite cuisine. While academics consuming new foods may seem like a dry topic for a novel, as the name suggest, the plot quickly takes a macabre twist.After Professor Plantagenet is diagnosed with a heart condition due to his years of decadence, he submits a bizarre request to the shadow faculty of gastronomic science–one that teaches them just how far they’re willing to go in the name of the perfect bite. Nothing goes smoothly as they have to deal with curing techniques, student rivalries and arrests for grave robbing. And since every boy’s club needs a Vernon Wormer, they must also contend with Vice-Chancellor Ridgeway whose greatest desire is to see them disbanded.From walls lined with leather bound volumes, to the ghost who haunts the stone cellar, The Reluctant Cannibals has tons of atmosphere and style. There’s more than enough quirk and black humor on each page to insure no part was a drag. The footnotes peppered throughout were an amusing touch, and the history of cannibalism was more interesting than it should have been.The Reluctant Cannibals is for anyone who enjoys their humor dark, and for the gourmands who will appreciate the references. Oh, and of course, for all those determined cannibals out there.What I learned from reading The Reluctant Cannibals- The Shingnon monks of Yamagata practiced self-mummification while still alive. The practice was called Sokushinbutsu--which was austerity to the point of their death and mummification. Their founder, Kuukai, believed enlightenment could be reached physical pain. It took 10 years for them to mummify themselves, and though many tried, only around 2 dozen successful mummies have been found.To begin they consumed only nuts and seeds for 1,000 days while engaging in strenuous physical activity meant to strip them of all body fat.For the next 1,000 days they ate only roots and tree bark and drank a poisonous tea made from the sap of the Urushi tree which caused vomiting, severe dehydration and made their tissues poisonous to insects such as maggots.The monk would then lock himself in a stone tomb sitting in the lotus position. Everyday he would ring a bell tied to string through a small opening to let those outside know he was still alive. When the bell stopped ringing, the opening would be sealed.After another 1,000 days the monks would open the tomb to see if the mummification had been successful. Japan has outlawed the practice and it is no longer practiced by any Buddhist sect.- Johnathan Swift, of Gulliver's Travels fame, penned a satirical pamphlet in 1729 which encouraged cannibalism. Commonly referred to as A Modest Proposal, he suggests that the impoverished Irish might ease their economic troubles by selling their children as food to the rich. Meant to mock the heartlessness of people's attitudes toward the poor, he lists several ways a child could be cooked and makes detailed calculations of the economic benefits of such a practice.-Kuru is an incurable degenerative neurological disease (similar to mad cow) which was endemic in the Fore tribe of Papua New Guinea and spread through their ritual funeral practice of cannibalism. The Fore believed by eating the deceased they kept the persons life force within the community. Researchers in the 1960's were able to trace the outbreak of kuru to a single infected individual who lived on the outskirts of the village in 1900.

Violet is a young, inexperienced Guardian looking to prove herself. She’s sent to earth in the body of Vivian, a cancer stricken teen girl. With her mentor Gabriel guiding and watching over her, Violet has a year to complete her mission– getting Carter Stone to realize his destiny and keeping both him and the world safe from evil. With forbidden love, deals with the devil, romance, and high school, Vie has quite the year ahead of her.The narrative is told in third person pov, which I have a preference for; it allows each character to fully develop their own voice without being diluted and filtered through the main protagonist’s worldview.There are a few different song lyrics used in the book which may cause the author issues down the road. Jamie McGuire’s Beautiful Disaster debacle comes to mind. There have been instances of authors unknowingly violating copy-write and having to offer customers refunds for their books then reissuing a new, violation-free copy.Not all the questions that devolved during the story were answered at the end, leaving the story open for the next book in the series. This was a good paranormal romance and a true YA story. It was clean, and I’m comfortable with passing this along to my niece.

Edith Hamilton’s Greek gods are back, and they’ve brought all their glorious tomfoolery with them. Forget the toga-wearing residents of mount Olympus you think you know, they’ve kept up with the times and are living communally in a Manhattan high-rise. No more antiquated names for them either, now they sport hipster-ish new nicknames like Dita, Heff and Perry. Some things never change though; the Gods still screw with human lives for amusement. Dear in Headlights takes the archetypal girl afraid of love and the bad-boy musician and throws in an interesting dash of ambrosia. To stave off boredom, Aphrodite and Apollo enter in to a competition. Aphrodite has to get Lex and Dean to fall in love while Apollo tries to keep them apart. This book is really two stories in one: the story of the Gods and the story of Lex and Dean with the occasional God-like observation thrown in. What makes a romance novel great is the conflict and tension arising from the relationship of the main characters. When the story depends on two characters falling in love, the reasons given need to be believable. Unfortunately, the falling in love phase of this book was weak. In the real world song lyrics and common interests may draw us to another person, but they don’t equal love (I hope not anyway). Normally, an unbelievable relationship would kill a romance novel for me, but this book offers such a fresh twist on the genre that I almost didn’t notice. With an automaton puppy named Bisoux, vinyl records, rock stars, tons of pop culture references and really old-fashioned vendettas, this book was a witty frolic from the first page to the last.

If David Sedaris and Kurt Vonnegut joined forces to write relationship based Twilight Zone episodes and Dr. Phil scripts, Crazy Love Birds would be the result. These 5 super short stories manage to clandestinely pack in ridiculous amounts of insight and thought-provoking conceptions while ostensibly being fun and breezy reads.I will absolutely be purchasing Carla Sarett’s other work.

Act of Creation & Other Stories is a brisk little collection of culinary-themed short stories. With food as concenter, these shorts give us a piquant glimpse of the grieving, the presumptuous and the pompous.Act of Creation is a delicious recreation of Pygmalion’s Galatea, in this case, sculpted by a cake artist and with a dash of sympathetic magic stirred in. In What I Did for Pho, we learn not all motion is progress when a couple convince their favorite Vietnamese restaurateur to open up shop across the street.In Gurume Kurabu, an information hoarder is the victim of a little culinary subterfuge.The writing is crisp. Each story is well crafted and tasty. The characters are rich and the descriptions are tempting. These shorts will leave you hungering for more (and, consequently, with a foody infested vocabulary.)

Each taking place in a mortuary, these four short stories read like well-written episodes of Tales from the Crypt. When you think you know where it’s going, prepare for a clever twist.In this monster mash-up: a mother struggles to control her very hungry sons; a creature re-purposes an old mortuary to warehouse her stolen goods; a fledgling vampire hunter learns a very hard lesson; and In Never Trust a Zombie, my favorite one, a boy knows better than to believe the un-dead.Each vignette feels complete. The horror is graphic and occasionally gruesome. The atmosphere is ghoulish and the dash of erotica adds just the right amount of depravity to each story. This collection is $1.49. Forgo a cup of coffee and get it.

We have a sister and she hath no breastsSong of SolomonThe Dirty Parts of The Bible by Sam Torode is an audacious and fairly faithful retelling of Tobias, the Angel and Sarah from the Book of Tobit. Tobias, the son of a Baptist minister in small town 1930s Michigan, wrestles with hormones, spirituality and listlessness. When his father is blinded in a freak accident involving booze and birds, Tobias is sent on a mission to Texas to recover a stash of buried cash and save the family.Almost immediately losing all of his money, he rides the rails with Craw, a vagabond who acts as his specious mentor and dispenser of obtuse advice while remaining a steady voice of reason throughout. When he finally makes it to Texas, Tobias meets and falls in love with Sarah, a dangerous paramour whose previous boyfriends all died as a result of an Indian curse. It veers into urban fantasy/magical realism at the end with magic and demons, which would have been fine except it felt rushed. The ending came too quickly.The title comes from one of the opening chapters where Tobias learns of all the “dirty parts” his father most certainly had not been reading to him at bedtime. I had my own similar meeting with the dirty parts of the bible when as a good little Catholic reading myself to sleep I came across the story of Lot and his daughters. I immediately shut the book, studied the cover to make sure this was indeed the Good Book I was perusing and handed it off to my father telling him “I don’t think this is meant for me.” This book, though, certainly was.Everything considered, this was a fun and quirky coming of age novel that touches on biblical themes, spirituality, family, transitions, growing up and finding love.

The Rise of Xosha was an imaginative and fun fantasy YA novel. Written as a prequel set 1,000 years before the forthcoming series, it focuses on the story of a displaced dragon clan, but these aren’t ordinary dragons; they’re shape shifting creatures who can control the elements. In a disastrous battle with their enemies, the Anjyl’s, or as they’re known to humans--Angels, they were forced to abandon their home. As they rebuild in a new world, they must face both old and new enemies. Xosha has tons of mythical creatures: wolves, hounds, daemons, and imps; and it comes with a cute glossary of all the creatures and their attributes. Teamwork, loyalty, family, regret, kindness and prejudice are just some of the moral lessons hidden in this fantastic and exciting fable. The lessons and themes were never overt, but definitely noticeable to an adult reader. This was a novella, so the characters didn't have as much depth as you'd expect in a full length novel. As an exposition for the main series it was a stand alone. It was quickly paced and a few of the scenes would have been better slowed down and expanded. I don't normally read fantasy stories that take themselves seriously, but this was a unique mythological YA novel.